Marlene Winell’s depth of experience with religious trauma and recovery is unparalleled. She has worked remotely and in person with hundreds of clients, each struggling to cleanse his or her mind and emotions of toxic residue from authoritarian religion. Her book, written materials, and insightful questions have helped many to move forward in the process of healing.
It is really scary for people who’ve been brought up in a fundamentalist household to dare to have contact with a secular psychologist because they have been taught that psychology is potentially one of the avenues whereby Satan can pollute, or, worse, begin controlling our thoughts for his purposes. I was even taught, as a child, that having contact with a psychologist or doing yoga or meditation could lead to demonic possession.
It was very, very frightening because my knee jerk reaction, which I chose to fight against, was that I might be heading right into Satan’s hands, wholesale, by going on a retreat with a secular psychologist. But, because I had, to put it bluntly, started to detect what seemed like lies on the part of the people who raised me, or at least learn of alternative explanations for how the people who raised me said the world works, I was able to be open to the idea of hearing some insights from a non-Christian. I.e. if the Christians were lying, or, at minimum, naively misguided, then maybe their claims about picking up a demon weren’t true and maybe there was something powerful and helpful to be gained by listening to someone with a different viewpoint.
Getting help was extremely scary. My heart was pounding the first night of the first retreat I went to as a group of others and I said a few words about why we had come to the retreat. Was this the end for me? Was I damning myself to eternity in an even hotter hell than I would have already probably have been headed for for just deciding I didn’t believe? I mean, wasn’t this cinching the deal and quenching the Spirit? By coming and seeking out de-programming by a secular psychologist, wasn’t I basically just saying that I was OK with potentially becoming demon-possessed? I was terrified almost beyond words. But I decided to push past my fear and go for broke. I decided that, if there really is an all-powerful God who decides our fate based on our every belief and action, then would I really want to spend eternity with Him if He is the type of being who would begrudge me having a conversation with another human and/or group of humans about issues of spirituality?
It was also a bit alienating to go to a secular therapist, because I questioned whether she could know anything about what I had been taught was capital-T true and/or whether she could understand the first thing about what it is like to be indoctrinated into a fundamentalist worldview in a Christian home. I soon learned that Dr. Winell had been raised by fundamentalist Christian missionaries and I knew from the missions conference at my church that there are few more hard-core ideologues that the missionaries themselves. They really buy into the theology–enough to travel to far away lands and put their life and health on the line for the theology.
Finally, it was liberating to go to a secular therapist–once I got underway in getting in tune with who she was and what she could do for us there at the retreat. For the first time in my life, I was able to gather some insights about how a Christian upbringing could mess with your mind and some ways of deciding, when you were *ready*, *if* you felt ready, to, at your own pace, on your own terms, begin unhooking the IV line running from that worldview into your brain and how to think some different types of thoughts for yourself and how to nurture yourself and how to begin to grow past things that had so, so, so, so badly been hurting you. It began to feel exciting to be there with Dr. Winell. And there was much laughter and bonding with the other people who had come to her out of backgrounds like mine and who, like she did, understood me maybe more than I understood myself.
Dr. Winell was not anti-spirituality nor anti-god. As I progressed under her tutelage and went through a phase of being super-angry (which I guess in some ways I still am) about having been duped by fundamentalist Christianity, I sometimes found myself wishing she *would* take anti-God stances and/or make fun of Christianity since that might have felt satisfying. I guess a couple of nights at a couple of different retreats, I can remember some activities that did use gentle humor to satirize religious proselytizing. But religious proselytizing is different from God him- or herself, or spirituality. And, for me at least, this gently humorous treatment of proselytizing was among the most healing of all the activities at the retreats. And for me to say this, me, a person raised in a household that was all about **fear**, that is really saying something. Something very positive about Marlene and the retreats she designs.
And, unlike regular secular psychologists, she was not tone-deaf as per what a religiously socialized person will be like in terms of their fears, doubts, tendencies toward considering suicide and so on. To me it was more important to feel understood than respected, but she was supportive in being able to offer both understanding and respect.
Dr. Winell was helpful, full of insights and exercises that promoted growth for me. She knows how to sit in a physical and mental and emotional space with someone who is strung out and scared and hurting and be able to walk them closer to a position of strength to where they can begin to take care of themselves, going forward. I attribute a lot of the growth I have been able to do unhooking myself from my fundamentalist background to Marlene’s competence and helpfulness.
I have no basis for comparison, since she is the only help-you-deprogram-yourself-from-your-messed-up-fundamentalist-childhood therapist I have ever worked with. ? But there is no way a regular secular psychologist could help anyone wishing to unhook from a fundamentalist upbringing the way she, a person of the same background, can. She provides this help with humor and inventiveness and it does work. The hard part is overcoming your fear to get to a retreat (or make an appointment) in the first place. Once you get there, things should start to get much, much easier and way less scary. At least that was my experience and I am among the most heavily previously indoctrinated.
“Marlene is an outstanding professional. She speaks and writes with clarity and sensitivity. Marlene is one of the most prolific thinkers of our time.” – May 8, 2012
”I felt like I was reading my own thoughts and all of it resonates with what I have been struggling with for years. As I read it tears would just stream down my face because I finally felt that someone understood me and that my struggle had been real. I didn’t grow up in the church but I still have been seeking freedom from it for years. ”
“I just had to say that I am so grateful for you and this book. As well as the people who shared with you in the book their own journeys and recoveries. This book has validated so much of what I have struggled with and I am so thankful for it. ”
“Thank you for your incredible book. I am half way thru and cannot put it down. There is a visceral healing on every page for me. Thank you for having the boldness to write on this subject. I can tell you first hand, there are millions in the south that are hurting from this abuse. My family, in the south, have all but banished me. They are 100% against anything new or alternative. Recovering fundamentalists need people like you since we’re now black sheep in the eyes of the flock. Your understanding of the problem gives me such hope and encouragement. I don’t feel as isolated after reading your words. Thank you!!!
“Her book is excellent value, taking survivors (or ‘escapees’?) through the process of recognition, breaking away, facing the past, acknowledging the wounds of childhood (chronological or spiritual), recovering self-love, choosing and creating.”
“I must say that I’m impressed! You point out the problems inherent in fundamentalism without taking a crusading stance. Leading off with your own story makes it easier for the reader to trust the rest of what you have to say. I like the way you acknowledge the positive as well as the negative aspects of dogmatic religion, reassuring former believers that their religious involvement was not some sort of pathology. Chapter by chapter you move from general considerations to the specifics of having been wounded by a restrictive belief system. The many exercises are especially helpful in personalising the process of building up an autonomous self, in my experience the major part of recovery from fundamentalism. I am recommending the book to everyone I know with an interest in the subject.”
“We love it! . . . Freedom From Religion Foundation is planning to carry your book. You have a firm grasp of the problems and needs of those who are breaking away from the fundamentalist mindset. I wish I had had your book 15 years ago!”
“It is a greatly needed volume in the field of counseling and I will strongly recommend it to students taking my counselor training course. . . Refuting missionary teachings is my speciality but refuting feelings and emotions, spiritual highs etc. is a specialised field. In this, Marlene Winell knows all the right answers.”
“Leaving the Fold is invaluable to those who have gone through the ordeal of religious addiction, abuse, and disillusionment, and who need a recovery plan. I highly recommend this book not only to the wounded, but also urge all pastors to study it carefully and then re-assess their own ministries. Dr. Marlene Winell has made a most important contribution to deal with the most heart-wrenching of experiences.”
“In a world where dogma and religious doctrine have replaced reason and free thought, many people have been victimised. As victims, people need support and guidance–Leaving the Fold provides both. Reflecting on her own experiences, the author presents her book in a thoughtful and readable fashion. For people who have recovered, want to recover, or want to know what others have gone through, Leaving the Fold is a must read.”